Window Shopping: Another Lost Art

When is the last time you took your child to the store just to have fun and spend some time together?  If you are like me shopping usually involves running in the store, getting things as fast as possible, and getting out in time to get to our next obligation.

Just recently I have begun taking my daughter window shopping.  For those of you not familiar with the concept, it is where you just look around but don't buy anything.  I can recall window shopping with my grandmother many, many times.  We always had fun together!  When I take my daughter, I pretty much let her take the lead.  She shows me the things she wants to look at, and we talk about what we see.  On our most recent trip, she pointed out the cans of Pepsi, found the aisle for Mommy's medicine, lined up toy trains, and heard the sounds of a toy police car.  She was so pleased to have Mommy's full attention and did not once ask to buy something.

Next time you feel like getting out of the house or just need to spend some quality time with your child, try the lost art of window shopping.

Talk to Your Kids

Okay, so it sounds simple, but is it really?  Conversation is becoming a lost art.  I find it sad when I walk into a restaurant and see parents on their smartphones and kids on their video game systems.  As a teacher I found the cafeteria to be the clue to who talked at home with their families.  The ones who talk would eat and carry on a conversation during lunch.  The others would eat and then get in trouble because they could not occupy themselves for the remaining time.  Here are some tips for bringing back conversation:

#1  Eat together at the table:  I know lives are busy nowadays, but spending a few minutes together at the table can make a huge difference.  It gives you time to hear about your child's day.  It also gives your child a chance to hear you talk to your spouse and carry on a conversation.  Many manners are also learned at the table (E.g. Saying please/thank you and passing things).

#2  Greet your child and make sure he greets you:  If you are picking your child up in the car rider line, make sure you say hi when he gets in the car.  Make eye contact and convey a message that you are glad to see your child.  At school I would often see parents on their cell phones or just not bother to greet the child.  What a hostile environment it would feel like in that car when you can't even say hello!!  This goes for any time you are seeing your child after time away.  My son often will just mutter or not answer when someone says hello, so this was a habit I needed to break.  He knows that he is expected to respond because it simply is polite.  Keep in mind that your child may not be quite ready to talk about his day yet.  You may get more information if you give your child some time before expecting to hear everything.

#3  Ask your child about his day:  At some point if your child doesn't offer the information, ask your child about his day.  If you have a child that likes to answer things with one word statements, you could try establishing a good, bad, and funny tradition.  Your child has to tell you something good, bad, and funny about the day.  You should do the same about your day.  Children need to learn that conversation is about 2 things: talking and listening.

#4  Have forced family fun:  This is a time when the entire family spends time together.  It could be playing a game, going to the park, getting ice cream, or whatever you would like.  This is a great time to get in some much needed conversation.

#5 Be available:  Try to be aware of the time you are spending glaring at the the tv, looking at your smartphone, or texting on your phone.  Make sure you are available to your children.  If you are constantly stopping your child from talking because you are in the middle of a show or reading something on the computer, maybe you need to cut down on the amount of time you are doing these things.  You only have so many years to be a parent and have an influence on your child, and those years are very important!!

Video Game Tip for Parents

There are some video games that I don't mind except that my son is not mature enough to handle the inappropriate language.   He gets very frustrated when all his friends are allowed to play but he is not.  Now I'm not a fan of the excuse, "Everyone else is doing it," but I also have to realize that I cannot keep my son in a bubble forever.

My neighbor gave me this very simple, but genius tip.  If the only problem you have with the game is inappropriate language, let your child play the game, but only with the sound off.  As she was telling me this I was thinking, "Why didn't I ever think of that?"  This strategy has a bonus too.  It is nice and quiet when he plays the game. :-)

School Doesn't Have to be Scary

What things come to your mind when you think of school?  Are they bad things are good things?  For your child to have the best school experience possible, you are going to have to get involved and stay in touch with the school.  I promise it doesn't have to be scary.  Here are some pointers when dealing with your child's school and teacher.

#1 - Establish a relationship with the teacher at the beginning or very early on.  You should meet your child's teacher, ask questions, tell the teacher some things about your child, and get contact information.  This lets the teacher know that you care about your child having the best experience possible and allows you to get in touch with the teacher if there is a problem.  It also helps you establish a relationship before any problems occur.

#2 - Always make an effort to attend parent/teacher conferences.  It is important that you understand how your child is performing because it gives you a better idea on how you can support your child.  This also gives you an opportunity to ask questions.  Don't just nod your head and smile.  If you have a question, ask it!  The purpose of a conference is to get everybody on the same page.  There is a lot of jargon in education. As a former teacher, I would sometimes "slip up" and use jargon that parents were not familiar with.  It is important to ask if you don't understand something.  It will not make you look dumb, but will actually let the teacher know that you are actively listening.

#3 - Make contact before a problem gets out of hand.  Sometimes children have problems but are afraid to tell the teacher about them.  While you need to let your child know she needs to talk to the teacher, you should also talk to the teacher.
For instance, I once had a child who was being bullied by another child in Kindergarten.  It was happening on the playground with my assistant and was not physical, so she didn't notice it.  I was not aware of the problem at all until one day his mother spoke to me about it.  We were able to take care of the problem immediately, and I even got a cute "thank you" note during writing time from him thanking me for taking care of the problem.
Teachers are not scary!  Please talk to them if you are concerned!  

I will add some more tips soon, but this will give you a good starting place.  Please ask any other questions you may have regarding school or another issue.

Retention in Kindergarten: A Good Thing or a Bad Thing?

Do you remember your days in Kindergarten?  You wrote your name, played with blocks, learned your alphabet, and listened to stories.  Ah, those were the days.  Some of you may not have even gone to Kindergarten because it was not required.  Well, we are going to end the dream now, because Kindergarten has changed.  There is now much less time for blocks and art and Play-Doh and a whole lot more to learn.  This leaves a lot of parents with the dilemma at the end of the year whether to retain their child in Kindergarten or send her on.

First let's consider the many things Kindergartners are expected to know at the end of the year.  I won't list everything, but this will give you an idea of how Kindergarten has changed.
*Capital and lowercase letters  *Letter sounds  *30-50 sight words  *Read a Level C book (I will give an example later)  *Write a story of at least 3 sentences with correct capitalization, punctuation, and spacing.
*Numbers 0-30 *Shapes such as rectangles, triangles, spheres, and cubes (also being able to build them)  *problem solving *days of the week, months of the year, seasons *modeling addition and subtraction
And the list goes on.

Now let's consider some other factors that go into learning.  Some children in Kindergarten are almost a year older than other children.  You luck out if you have a September-December birthday because you are much more developmentally ready to accomplish the goals above.  Unfortunately if you have a June-August birthday, you often have quite a challenge, because no matter how smart you are, there are something things you just are not developmentally ready for.  Also, some kids are just more mature in general and more motivated to learn.  Others are more interested in playing at this young age.  Boys, especially, are less mature at this age.  It is often difficult for them to sit still and focus on academic things such as reading and writing.

So we revisit the dilemma.  My child is at the end of Kindergarten and struggling.  Do I hold her back and let her repeat Kindergarten again or do I push her on and hope that she matures and catches up?

Here is my opinion.  (Of course each situation in unique and needs to be looked at on an individual level.)  There is no grade better in which to retain than Kindergarten.  Even though there is a lot of work in Kindergarten, much of it is done in fun ways.  There is still a lot of what children would consider "playing" (even though it is learning through playing).  There is also a lot of singing and stories.  Kindergarten is just plain "fun" to children.  First grade is a different world.  While there are still some fun activities, there is much more time spent sitting and working.  The jump in levels that children are expected to meet from the end of Kindergarten to the end of first grade is unreal.

Here is an example of a Level C book, which is the end of the year level expected in Kindergarten:
"Where is my hat?' said Ben. (p.1) Ben looked under his bed.  "It is not here," he said. (p.2) (Beaver, J. (1997) Where is My Hat? Parsippany, NJ: Celebration Press)

Here is an example of a Level I book, which is the end of the year level expected in first grade:
Gorillas are members of the great ape family.  They live in the forests of Africa. Gorillas have strong, heavy bodies. They can walk on two legs like people do.  Most of the time they walk on their feet and hands (p. 1). (Freed, K. (2003) Gorillas. Tuscan, AZ: Reading A-Z)


Do you see why it is difficult to think that 1st grade will give a child time to "catch up"?  I am not saying it is impossible, but I hate to see children struggle every year always coming up just short of the goal.  Unfortunately, children are very perceptive.  They figure out real quickly who is "smart" and who is not.  Of course they do not understand all the other things going on.  They just know that Johnny can read what the board says but they cannot.  Repeating Kindergarten can be a really powerful thing when done correctly.  First of all, the struggling child with low self-confidence suddenly becomes the leader.  She knows the school, knows a lot of routines, and can model a lot of behaviors that are expected.  She is suddenly looked at as the "smart" child.  If the teacher does a good job, it is possible to reverse the low self-confidence.  At the same time the retainee gets the chance to review skills she may be shaky on and gets another chance to learn the skills she didn't know before.  She also is given the chance to grow up a little bit more.  All the while she is having fun at the same time.

Here are some things to keep in mind.  You have to be 100% committed to the idea.  If you convey a negative message to your child about retention, she will have a negative view about it.  For instance, retention is not because your child is stupid or because she was bed.  Retention is to give her a little more time to learn some more things since everyone learns at a different pace.  Also just know that this decision is going to be difficult at first for your child.  All she will think of is that her friends will be in a different class and she will still be in Kindergarten.  I have seen many children go through this, but after a week or so in Kindergarten they are comfortable with their new friends and don't really have much of a stigma.  Children are so much more resilient at this age.  Retention will be a much bigger deal at an older age when friendships are more established and peer pressure is much more prevalent.

I know this decision is very difficult, but it can be one of the most important decisions that you will have to make as a parent.  If you would like to share a specific case with me, I would be happy to listen and give any advice I have.

Fun Activity For Your Children

Ever feel like you need to get out of the house?  Ever feel like you need to get your children out or they will drive you crazy?  Here is one idea that is great for those days when it is too hot to go outside, and you are broke.  I took my 3 children on a Walmart scavenger hunt the other day.  I kept it a surprise until we were on our way.  When I told my children what we were doing, I was amazed that I did not get any moans or groans.  This is especially amazing since my 17-year old rarely likes to leave the house and his video games, and the 12-year old complains about everything.  It is also amazing because it involved them working together.

 Here is how it worked.  They were given a list of 12 items to find.  (I will copy the text below.)  They had to  stay together and find the items in order.  They had to take a picture of each one.  I am not a fan of making other people's jobs more difficult, so I wanted to use pictures so they wouldn't be moving items around or making messes.  My directions specify which boys took pictures of which items to eliminate arguing and specify that running in the store will disqualify them from the prize (cheap ice cream at McDonald's).  While the boys were working, I gave my 2-year old daughter a picture hunt to complete in the produce aisle.  I would let her find the items.  Then I would take the picture and show her.  She had a blast and loved to see the pictures.

Here is the list I gave the boys:

Take a picture of each item in order.  *** takes pictures of 1-6.  *** takes pictures of 7-12.  Be sure to walk so you are not disqualified.

1.  Vanilla Yogurt

2.  Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips

3.  Baby Rattle

4.  Sandals

5.  Mario Game

6.  Funny Movie

7.  Golf Ball

8.  Flowers (Real or Fake)

9.  Mechanical Pencil

10.  Cold Medicine

11.  Batteries

12.  Magazine

Here is the list I gave my daughter (I used clip art from Microsoft Word, but blogger won't let me copy it.)

       apples, bananas, grapes, watermelons, cucumbers, tomatoes, cookies, cake, bread, cheese

  

       If you would like me to e-mail the documents to you, I would be happy to do so if you provide an e-mail address.