Do you remember your days in Kindergarten? You wrote your name, played with blocks, learned your alphabet, and listened to stories. Ah, those were the days. Some of you may not have even gone to Kindergarten because it was not required. Well, we are going to end the dream now, because Kindergarten has changed. There is now much less time for blocks and art and Play-Doh and a whole lot more to learn. This leaves a lot of parents with the dilemma at the end of the year whether to retain their child in Kindergarten or send her on.
First let's consider the many things Kindergartners are expected to know at the end of the year. I won't list everything, but this will give you an idea of how Kindergarten has changed.
*Capital and lowercase letters *Letter sounds *30-50 sight words *Read a Level C book (I will give an example later) *Write a story of at least 3 sentences with correct capitalization, punctuation, and spacing.
*Numbers 0-30 *Shapes such as rectangles, triangles, spheres, and cubes (also being able to build them) *problem solving *days of the week, months of the year, seasons *modeling addition and subtraction
And the list goes on.
Now let's consider some other factors that go into learning. Some children in Kindergarten are almost a year older than other children. You luck out if you have a September-December birthday because you are much more developmentally ready to accomplish the goals above. Unfortunately if you have a June-August birthday, you often have quite a challenge, because no matter how smart you are, there are something things you just are not developmentally ready for. Also, some kids are just more mature in general and more motivated to learn. Others are more interested in playing at this young age. Boys, especially, are less mature at this age. It is often difficult for them to sit still and focus on academic things such as reading and writing.
So we revisit the dilemma. My child is at the end of Kindergarten and struggling. Do I hold her back and let her repeat Kindergarten again or do I push her on and hope that she matures and catches up?
Here is my opinion. (Of course each situation in unique and needs to be looked at on an individual level.) There is no grade better in which to retain than Kindergarten. Even though there is a lot of work in Kindergarten, much of it is done in fun ways. There is still a lot of what children would consider "playing" (even though it is learning through playing). There is also a lot of singing and stories. Kindergarten is just plain "fun" to children. First grade is a different world. While there are still some fun activities, there is much more time spent sitting and working. The jump in levels that children are expected to meet from the end of Kindergarten to the end of first grade is unreal.
Here is an example of a Level C book, which is the end of the year level expected in Kindergarten:
"Where is my hat?' said Ben. (p.1) Ben looked under his bed. "It is not here," he said. (p.2) (Beaver, J. (1997) Where is My Hat? Parsippany, NJ: Celebration Press)
Here is an example of a Level I book, which is the end of the year level expected in first grade:
Gorillas are members of the great ape family. They live in the forests of Africa. Gorillas have strong, heavy bodies. They can walk on two legs like people do. Most of the time they walk on their feet and hands (p. 1). (Freed, K. (2003) Gorillas. Tuscan, AZ: Reading A-Z)
Do you see why it is difficult to think that 1st grade will give a child time to "catch up"? I am not saying it is impossible, but I hate to see children struggle every year always coming up just short of the goal. Unfortunately, children are very perceptive. They figure out real quickly who is "smart" and who is not. Of course they do not understand all the other things going on. They just know that Johnny can read what the board says but they cannot. Repeating Kindergarten can be a really powerful thing when done correctly. First of all, the struggling child with low self-confidence suddenly becomes the leader. She knows the school, knows a lot of routines, and can model a lot of behaviors that are expected. She is suddenly looked at as the "smart" child. If the teacher does a good job, it is possible to reverse the low self-confidence. At the same time the retainee gets the chance to review skills she may be shaky on and gets another chance to learn the skills she didn't know before. She also is given the chance to grow up a little bit more. All the while she is having fun at the same time.
Here are some things to keep in mind. You have to be 100% committed to the idea. If you convey a negative message to your child about retention, she will have a negative view about it. For instance, retention is not because your child is stupid or because she was bed. Retention is to give her a little more time to learn some more things since everyone learns at a different pace. Also just know that this decision is going to be difficult at first for your child. All she will think of is that her friends will be in a different class and she will still be in Kindergarten. I have seen many children go through this, but after a week or so in Kindergarten they are comfortable with their new friends and don't really have much of a stigma. Children are so much more resilient at this age. Retention will be a much bigger deal at an older age when friendships are more established and peer pressure is much more prevalent.
I know this decision is very difficult, but it can be one of the most important decisions that you will have to make as a parent. If you would like to share a specific case with me, I would be happy to listen and give any advice I have.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Fun Activity For Your Children
Ever feel like you need to get out of the house? Ever feel like you need to get your children out or they will drive you crazy? Here is one idea that is great for those days when it is too hot to go outside, and you are broke. I took my 3 children on a Walmart scavenger hunt the other day. I kept it a surprise until we were on our way. When I told my children what we were doing, I was amazed that I did not get any moans or groans. This is especially amazing since my 17-year old rarely likes to leave the house and his video games, and the 12-year old complains about everything. It is also amazing because it involved them working together.
Here is how it worked. They were given a list of 12 items to find. (I will copy the text below.) They had to stay together and find the items in order. They had to take a picture of each one. I am not a fan of making other people's jobs more difficult, so I wanted to use pictures so they wouldn't be moving items around or making messes. My directions specify which boys took pictures of which items to eliminate arguing and specify that running in the store will disqualify them from the prize (cheap ice cream at McDonald's). While the boys were working, I gave my 2-year old daughter a picture hunt to complete in the produce aisle. I would let her find the items. Then I would take the picture and show her. She had a blast and loved to see the pictures.
Here is the list I gave the boys:
Here is how it worked. They were given a list of 12 items to find. (I will copy the text below.) They had to stay together and find the items in order. They had to take a picture of each one. I am not a fan of making other people's jobs more difficult, so I wanted to use pictures so they wouldn't be moving items around or making messes. My directions specify which boys took pictures of which items to eliminate arguing and specify that running in the store will disqualify them from the prize (cheap ice cream at McDonald's). While the boys were working, I gave my 2-year old daughter a picture hunt to complete in the produce aisle. I would let her find the items. Then I would take the picture and show her. She had a blast and loved to see the pictures.
Here is the list I gave the boys:
Take a picture of each item
in order. *** takes pictures of
1-6. *** takes pictures of 7-12. Be sure to walk so you are not disqualified.
1. Vanilla Yogurt
2. Cheddar and Sour Cream Chips
3. Baby Rattle
4. Sandals
5. Mario Game
6. Funny Movie
7. Golf Ball
8. Flowers (Real or
Fake)
9. Mechanical Pencil
10. Cold Medicine
11. Batteries
12. Magazine
Here is the list I gave my daughter (I used clip art from Microsoft Word, but blogger won't let me copy it.)
apples, bananas, grapes, watermelons, cucumbers, tomatoes, cookies, cake, bread, cheese
If you would like me to e-mail the documents to you, I would be happy to do so if you provide an e-mail address.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Working Together: Mommy Power!
Children hate when adults communicate!
As your children get older and make more friends, make sure you get to know the parents too. Even the most well-behaved child is going to make a bad choice or two. And if you have creative children like mine, they are very crafty at trying to get away with things. For instance, when my younger son has lost a privilege (such as video games), I make sure I communicate that to our neighbor, because my son could easily go to their house and play video games. We banded together just yesterday when our boys tried to pull off a forbidden snack. I caught them in the act, but the neighbors tried to tell a story to their mother. Needless to say, I was probably not the most popular person yesterday because all the boys ended up in trouble.
Parents banding together is not just for the purpose of monitoring behavior; it can also be helpful for learning more important things. Let's face it; as children become teenagers, parents become almost nonexistent. Teenagers tend to tell their friends everything and their parents nothing. My older son's best friend's mother and I also talk regularly. If one of our children says something concerning to the other parent, we share that information. When my son seems to be "down in the dumps", I will let her know also so she can be watching for anything concerning when he is at her house.
As your children get older and make more friends, make sure you get to know the parents too. Even the most well-behaved child is going to make a bad choice or two. And if you have creative children like mine, they are very crafty at trying to get away with things. For instance, when my younger son has lost a privilege (such as video games), I make sure I communicate that to our neighbor, because my son could easily go to their house and play video games. We banded together just yesterday when our boys tried to pull off a forbidden snack. I caught them in the act, but the neighbors tried to tell a story to their mother. Needless to say, I was probably not the most popular person yesterday because all the boys ended up in trouble.
Parents banding together is not just for the purpose of monitoring behavior; it can also be helpful for learning more important things. Let's face it; as children become teenagers, parents become almost nonexistent. Teenagers tend to tell their friends everything and their parents nothing. My older son's best friend's mother and I also talk regularly. If one of our children says something concerning to the other parent, we share that information. When my son seems to be "down in the dumps", I will let her know also so she can be watching for anything concerning when he is at her house.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Bad Habits: Are They Yours or Hers?
This issue can get touchy, but I'm going to jump in anyway. :-)
There are many things that are tricky and your children get older. "How do I get my child to sleep in her own crib? When do I take her pacifier away? When do I switch from bottles to sippy cups" The list can go on and on and on. I hear people complain about these issues all the time because the transition can be tough. Here is the touchy question:
***Is the problem really your child's problem, or is it your problem? ***
Let's face it; it's hard to let your little ones grow up. Putting your baby in her own crib means she is not an infant any more. Switching to a sippy cup means your little baby is moving toward toddler-hood. Some of us just aren't ready to deal with these things. At some point, though, you are going to have to face reality. We can't keep our kids little forever. We can either help them meet milestones with confidence or we can hold them back and make them dependent on us. If your child will not sleep in her own bed, examine what messages you have been sending her. Do you rush in right away and say, "It's okay honey! I know you're scared. Mommy won't leave you again."? Or maybe you make an excuse such as she isn't feeling well, or she is getting a tooth, or there is a noise somewhere. While these may be true, are they really the reason your child isn't sleeping, or is it an excuse to let her stay little a bit longer? What you need to do is keep things consistent and assure her that she will be okay. Even if it breaks your heart, put on a good, confident show for her, and then you can go cry in another room.
Let's examine the case of the pacifier. Do you tell her she is getting too old for her pacifier, and then give it back at the first melt-down or scrape after falling? Do you give it back to her just because it in thundering while she is trying to sleep? Once again, you need to be careful of the messages you are sending. Children are brilliant at picking up on inconsistencies.
Remember:
Children don't know what it good for them; all they know is what they want now. It is your job as the parent to do what is best for them.
There are many things that are tricky and your children get older. "How do I get my child to sleep in her own crib? When do I take her pacifier away? When do I switch from bottles to sippy cups" The list can go on and on and on. I hear people complain about these issues all the time because the transition can be tough. Here is the touchy question:
***Is the problem really your child's problem, or is it your problem? ***
Let's face it; it's hard to let your little ones grow up. Putting your baby in her own crib means she is not an infant any more. Switching to a sippy cup means your little baby is moving toward toddler-hood. Some of us just aren't ready to deal with these things. At some point, though, you are going to have to face reality. We can't keep our kids little forever. We can either help them meet milestones with confidence or we can hold them back and make them dependent on us. If your child will not sleep in her own bed, examine what messages you have been sending her. Do you rush in right away and say, "It's okay honey! I know you're scared. Mommy won't leave you again."? Or maybe you make an excuse such as she isn't feeling well, or she is getting a tooth, or there is a noise somewhere. While these may be true, are they really the reason your child isn't sleeping, or is it an excuse to let her stay little a bit longer? What you need to do is keep things consistent and assure her that she will be okay. Even if it breaks your heart, put on a good, confident show for her, and then you can go cry in another room.
Let's examine the case of the pacifier. Do you tell her she is getting too old for her pacifier, and then give it back at the first melt-down or scrape after falling? Do you give it back to her just because it in thundering while she is trying to sleep? Once again, you need to be careful of the messages you are sending. Children are brilliant at picking up on inconsistencies.
Remember:
Children don't know what it good for them; all they know is what they want now. It is your job as the parent to do what is best for them.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Child-Centered World
Have you ever taken time to think about how different things are now than how they were growing up? Let me give you an example, and you can see if it sounds familiar. Please share your examples too.
When I was little and my family had parties, I would get to join in for awhile, and then I would have to go to bed. I can remember lying up in my grandmother's bed listening to all the fun and watching for anyone to walk by. The next bunch of kids in my family started 5 years after I was born. When they were young, I resented that they never had to go to bed. I was always sent down to play with them downstairs after awhile so the adults could play games. Of course I loved them very much, but I always wanted to get to stay and play games with the adults. Finally the last bunch of kids in my family came along. There are about 15 years in between my cousin and I. When her and her brother came along, not only did they not have to go to bed, but they did not even have to leave the adults alone to play. Actually quite a bit of attention was paid to making sure they were having fun, had something to do, and were included in everything.
Does any of this sound familiar?
I think our world has shifted to a different way of raising children. I'm not sure it is all good. As a teacher, I noticed that every year children seemed to get more and more talkative and less and less respectful of adults. We need to treat children with love and respect, but we also need to teach them love and respect. There is no harm is teaching children that adults need to have their time to. Your children will not be damaged if you do not spend every waking minute with them. They need to learn how to entertain themselves some of the time. You need to listen to your children, but they should also learn how to wait their turn in a conversation so as not to interrupt.
Please share your thoughts and stories on this matter. I really think our society could benefit from a change in how we raise our children.
When I was little and my family had parties, I would get to join in for awhile, and then I would have to go to bed. I can remember lying up in my grandmother's bed listening to all the fun and watching for anyone to walk by. The next bunch of kids in my family started 5 years after I was born. When they were young, I resented that they never had to go to bed. I was always sent down to play with them downstairs after awhile so the adults could play games. Of course I loved them very much, but I always wanted to get to stay and play games with the adults. Finally the last bunch of kids in my family came along. There are about 15 years in between my cousin and I. When her and her brother came along, not only did they not have to go to bed, but they did not even have to leave the adults alone to play. Actually quite a bit of attention was paid to making sure they were having fun, had something to do, and were included in everything.
Does any of this sound familiar?
I think our world has shifted to a different way of raising children. I'm not sure it is all good. As a teacher, I noticed that every year children seemed to get more and more talkative and less and less respectful of adults. We need to treat children with love and respect, but we also need to teach them love and respect. There is no harm is teaching children that adults need to have their time to. Your children will not be damaged if you do not spend every waking minute with them. They need to learn how to entertain themselves some of the time. You need to listen to your children, but they should also learn how to wait their turn in a conversation so as not to interrupt.
Please share your thoughts and stories on this matter. I really think our society could benefit from a change in how we raise our children.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Car Trips: Bag of Tricks
If you're going on a car trip with a child (especially a busy child), here are some ideas for a car bag.
Family Bag:
-Lots of snacks
-Drinks
-Batteries for any items that need batteries
-Music
-Movies or Video Games (if you have a car system)
Toddler Bag:
-Books that are familiar
-"I Spy" books (There are ones for young children, and they like to look for the pictures.)
-LeapPad/Tag or Tag Junior
-Small legos or links
-MagnaDoodle/Etch-A-Sketch
Older Child Bag:
-Book that can be read over and over (Ex. World Record Book, National Geographic, Fact Book)
-Notebook
-Fun pens/Markers/Pens/Pencils
-White board/Dry Erase Markers/Eraser
-Travel games/Magnetic Games (Dollar Tree had a Tic-Tac-Toe and Connect 4)
-Silly Putty
-Games/Puzzles such as license plate bingo or word searches
Here are some websites with printable games:
http://www.momsminivan.com/printables.html
http://www.wejustgotback.com/default.aspx?mod=fun_travel_games
http://familyfun.go.com/vacations/on-the-road-games/
Family Bag:
-Lots of snacks
-Drinks
-Batteries for any items that need batteries
-Music
-Movies or Video Games (if you have a car system)
Toddler Bag:
-Books that are familiar
-"I Spy" books (There are ones for young children, and they like to look for the pictures.)
-LeapPad/Tag or Tag Junior
-Small legos or links
-MagnaDoodle/Etch-A-Sketch
Older Child Bag:
-Book that can be read over and over (Ex. World Record Book, National Geographic, Fact Book)
-Notebook
-Fun pens/Markers/Pens/Pencils
-White board/Dry Erase Markers/Eraser
-Travel games/Magnetic Games (Dollar Tree had a Tic-Tac-Toe and Connect 4)
-Silly Putty
-Games/Puzzles such as license plate bingo or word searches
Here are some websites with printable games:
http://www.momsminivan.com/printables.html
http://www.wejustgotback.com/default.aspx?mod=fun_travel_games
http://familyfun.go.com/vacations/on-the-road-games/
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Teenagers: Forced Family Fun
Everyone knows that teenagers love hanging out with their families, right? Haha! Okay, so secretly they might love it, but they would never let in on. I encourage every parent with a teenager to institute something that my family calls "Forced Family Fun". It is basically an event that is mandatory and we do as a family. It is usually, of course, something that all members of the family will enjoy. Our teenager will start off the event with grunts and groans, but by the end, he is laughing and smiling. Yesterday we went to a choir party at High Rock Lake. We took everyone but our younger son (he had another party to go to). Of course our oldest was thrilled (*sarcasm*). He had some good food, but was still being huffy. My husband and I both nudged him into playing a game with us outside. Then he started to come alive. My point is, with many teenagers, they would never tell you they will enjoy anything, so make them participate in things you know they will enjoy. It is important for them to spend time with you, but if you don't require it, they may just keep to themselves.
Overprotective or Under protective: Finding a Balance Between the Two
Where do you fit? Are you constantly protecting your child from every danger or fear or do you let your child experience everything for himself? I believe we need to strive to find a balance between the two. Consider this example:
My younger son (age 12) was watching wrestling this evening. Personally I hate professional wrestling. I don't like the fighting and big egos, and it is so fake. If I were to be overprotective, I would not let him watch it at all because it goes against some of my values. As much as I would love for it never to be on in my house, I also risk the danger of my son obsessing about it more. I find that the more you shelter a child from something he is interested in, the more he obsesses over it and seeks it out. On the other hand, I could be under protective. I could let my son watch anything he wants any time. I could not monitor any of his television viewing figuring he will discover things on his own. Obviously I do not agree with this extreme either. It is our job as parents to teach children our values. If we don't know what our children are watching, we can't discuss things they may see that are inappropriate. For example, my son came over to me and wanted to tell me part of what happened. I did affirm his excitement for wrestling and told him I was glad he was enjoying it. I also let him know the reasons I did not prefer to watch it, and that the way they talk to each other is not how he should talk to others. In this way, he is able to watch it as something he is interested in, but he knows that the behavior he sees in unacceptable in his daily life. If I was not aware of what he was watching, we would not have been able to have that dialogue. I know many children have televisions in their rooms, but I strongly encourage you to rethink that idea if your children have a television with the capabilities to watch any channels. There is no telling what your children are watching when you are not in there.
In conclusion, try to find a good balance. Let your children experience the world, but be there to guide and coach along the way.
My younger son (age 12) was watching wrestling this evening. Personally I hate professional wrestling. I don't like the fighting and big egos, and it is so fake. If I were to be overprotective, I would not let him watch it at all because it goes against some of my values. As much as I would love for it never to be on in my house, I also risk the danger of my son obsessing about it more. I find that the more you shelter a child from something he is interested in, the more he obsesses over it and seeks it out. On the other hand, I could be under protective. I could let my son watch anything he wants any time. I could not monitor any of his television viewing figuring he will discover things on his own. Obviously I do not agree with this extreme either. It is our job as parents to teach children our values. If we don't know what our children are watching, we can't discuss things they may see that are inappropriate. For example, my son came over to me and wanted to tell me part of what happened. I did affirm his excitement for wrestling and told him I was glad he was enjoying it. I also let him know the reasons I did not prefer to watch it, and that the way they talk to each other is not how he should talk to others. In this way, he is able to watch it as something he is interested in, but he knows that the behavior he sees in unacceptable in his daily life. If I was not aware of what he was watching, we would not have been able to have that dialogue. I know many children have televisions in their rooms, but I strongly encourage you to rethink that idea if your children have a television with the capabilities to watch any channels. There is no telling what your children are watching when you are not in there.
In conclusion, try to find a good balance. Let your children experience the world, but be there to guide and coach along the way.
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